A Girl and Her Dresses

So the time of me being able to pick out what Eliza wears is soon coming to an end. She will still wear pretty much anything, but recently has become picky about what shoes she wears. I love putting her in dresses. It is just so easy and they are so cute.

Here are some of my favorites recently:

Purple dress with a little white cardigan.

(She likes to steal my wallet and go through it. Dangerous.)

She actually loved this rainbow dress and didn't want to take it off. I'm ok with that because it is super cute.

Clearance dress from cracker barrel.

This cute little tulip number my mom got her. She always looks cute with her little smile.

And because I don't put many pictures of Kase on here. Here is one of us. He is a cutie pie. He also rocks because he doesn't complain when I buy lots of dresses for Eliza. :)

Just a reminder

"Oh cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,

but children grow up, as I've learned with my sorrow.

So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust, go to sleep.

I'm rocking my baby.

Babies don't keep."

--- Ruth Hulbert Hamilton

I read this today and loved it. Time seems to be flying by and my baby keeps getting bigger and bigger. She is so sweet and I want to treasure every moment with her.

So if you come to my house and it is kind of messy. Sorry. I've been doing more important things like reading stories, playing with bubbles, giving baths, and loving on my little bug.

She counted to 10 all by herself last week. I didn't know she could do that!

She says "One more time mommy, one more time." When she doesn't want to stop doing something.

She loves to have "Dance parties" in her room.

She has gotten several pairs of new summery shoes lately. When Kase picked her up yesterday, she put her foot up and said " I like my new shoes daddy."

She amazes us every day.

There is nothing else I would rather be doing.

The Big 3-0!

So I am at the start of a new decade. My FOURTH decade. How crazy is that?

Thirty use to seem pretty old. Now that it is here, I don't feel old at all. I feel like I've just gotten started.

I use to write my "future self" letters. You know, the kind where you write what you hope you have accomplished by a certain date, seal it up, and write "Do Not Open Until (insert date here)." So here it goes.




Dear Future 40-year-old Laura, (OK now I am kind of depressed a little)

I hope by the time you are 40, you still don't feel old.

I hope that you have lots more babies. But if you don't, I hope you are not sad about it. And just love the baby/babies that you have.

Not to be materialistic, but I hope you have more money. With this money, I hope that you have a nicer car because well.... the jeep is not doing so good back here in 2012. My guess is at 224,000 miles this car is not going to go much longer.

I hope that you like your job, love your husband even more (if that is even possible), still kiss your daughter's cheeks (even if she still doesn't like it), and still have great friends.

I hope you live in a house that does not have neighbor's dogs that bark constantly in the back yard. I also hope you have a few flowers in your weed bed.

I hope you have went on a few fun trips over the last 10 years.

I hope your zits finally go away (yes I said it). I'm starting to think wrinkles are at least better than zits.

I hope you still have a strong testimony of the gospel.

I hope you are happy, and I hope you strive to bring happiness to others.

Happy Birthday to me.

Love,

Your younger self,

Laura

PS 40 isn't old either. 40 is the new 20 you know.

Sad

I was pregnant and I lost the baby.

I wasn't sure if I would blog about this. But it is a part of our story, and if my story can help anyone out there then some good will come from sharing it. You see, in the past I have read about others' losses. Mostly people that I only knew through the blog world. At the time, I felt terribly sad for them but I didn't really understand. When it happened to me, I went back and re-read their words and it was comforting to know that I am not alone. It was comforting to see that their lives kept moving on and they became happy again. So maybe by sharing my story, someone out there will read it and know that they are not alone. Everyone's story is different, and everyone grieves differently but you are not alone.

This has been a hard trial. One that I really cannot find the right words to describe. I have felt sadness that I have not known before. I have felt guilt. I have felt denial. I have felt lonely. I have felt loved. I have felt comfort. I have felt hope.

People have been so kind to me. Kase, my sweet Kase. He has been the greatest blessing of all. I have seen Kase in a new light. We have greived together. I believe we have grown even closer. He has been so sweet to me and has taken such good care of me even through his own heartache. This has been very hard for him too. Sometimes I think during these sorts of times the husband is forgotten, but he lost his baby as well. And it is sad. I don't think I could get through this without him. He is my sweet love.

I am worried. I worry that this will happen again. That I will have to feel this pain again. That if it happens again, I will feel that people will think there is something wrong with me. Even though I know it is nothing that I did.


I am grateful. I said a prayer last week, that if something were to happen to our baby to please let me know soon so that I could be prepared. It would be so much harder to go through if we had been farther along. It was a tender mercy.

I am blessed. I am so glad to know of eternal families. So blessed to have my sweet family and sweet friends who have been there for me. Who have prayed for me and cried for me.

When I began feeling bad, I asked for a blessing. After the blessing, I felt so comforted that everything would be OK. As the night progressed, I began feeling much worse. I kept thinking about that blessing. It occurred to me that I would indeed be OK, just not the OK that I was thinking. That blessing still provided me such comfort knowing that Heavenly Father was aware of me and was with me during my sadness.

We loved that baby from the moment that we knew. The baby's spirit was in our home and a part of our family. That spirit will always be a part of our family. The feeling that someone is missing is very painful. But we also have the feeling of hope. Even through my tears, I have felt a whisper of comfort from Heavenly Father. I know that it will all be OK.

What We've Been Up To...

So I keep thinking that one day I will blog more.

But I'm beginning to realize that it is not going to happen.

We've been sick a lot lately and that has been no fun.

In fact, I came down with an upper respiratory infection and an eye infection. So I've had to wear my glasses all week. I can't see very well. But I can see well enough to see that my girl is the cutest:



We went with a group of Eliza's daycare friends to the Barnum and Bailey's Circus. I know it was silly to take a 1.75 year old to a circus. She did like the elephants. Although she said they were scary. Overall, she behaved much better than I thought she would. We had a whole row of people/kids. The kids were able to go up and down the aisle to visit. I think her favorite part was just being with her friends. She loves them so much.

Waiting for the circus to start:




The circus was not what I expected. There were not a lot of animals. To be honest, I thought it was kind of boring. But I loved seeing Eliza play with her friends, and the elephants were pretty cool.






Eliza and her friends. Eliza, K, P1, and P2:


We also dealt with some nasty storms on Friday. We woke Eliza up in the middle of the night so we could hide in the downstairs room. When I put her back to bed, she noticed the ligntning and asked me what it was. Right then, lightning lit up her room and she jumped and started shaking. She was so scared. She calls it "light coming" and has talked about it ever since. When I get her up in the mornings and at nap time, she points to her window and asks me if the "light coming" is all done. Poor thing.

Finally, Kase is the sweetest ever and made me homemade chocolate covered strawberries. Just because. How awesome is he?

Life is pretty sweet.