Change

I don't like change. I am one of those people. I dread change. Worry about change. Put off change.

Until it happens, and then I get use to it and like it better and wouldn't change back if I could.

And then another change comes and I do it all over again.

We've had a lot of changes this year: Kase finishing school, Kase getting a job, Eliza joining our family, things at my work changing, so on.

So far things are better than they were before these changes, but I still can't seem to enjoy changing.

I guess in my new life with a child I need to get use to change. Eliza changes all the time which means our lives are going to constantly change. Forever.

Just when I get use to being a mother of a baby, she'll be a toddler, then a kid, a pre-teen, a teenager.... well you get the point.

It's kind of scary. But I guess it's life. I know that her changing means she is growing and is healthy and happy.

She will be 5 months in 1 week. Which means in about a month, we will be starting cereal and baby food. I am DREADING it for some reason. Isn't that bad? Probably because it's another change. It means my little baby is growing up. I really enjoy being her source of food. I really enjoy not having messy food all over the place and not having to drag out the highchair. I really enjoy snuggly mealtimes and having a light diaper bag. And speaking of diapers.... I enjoy there not being as many stinky ones... enough said right?

But I know I will enjoy seeing her face when she tries new foods, and picking out different things for her to taste next. I know I will enjoy watching her grow. I will enjoy when there is more laughing and less crying, when she starts chasing the dog around the house, when she squeals with excitement when daddy gets home.

I guess I need to focus on enjoying the moment. The phase that we are in RIGHT NOW. And when the next changes come, I will enjoy those too.

Beware of Sharks......Halloween pictures and post coming soon.....

A Sick Day

I always knew that getting sick as a mother would be hard. I mean, being a mother is a job that you can't really call in sick for.

Then on Tuesday it happened.

I woke up sick. as. a. dog.

Eliza was kind enough to join me in bed as Kase left us heading off to work.

I thought about having him take her to daycare, but I thought I would feel better soon. I mean if you saw how cute she is, you would think she had healing powers. Really.

But sadly I was wrong about feeling better. Right about her being super cute though.

I got worse and worse and didn't even have enough energy to carry the baby around. We had to stay upstairs until after lunchtime because I was afraid to brave the stairs in my weak state, while carrying the little one. Plus I had to stay close to the bathroom. Ok too much information. Sorry.

It was rough.

Then Kase got sick and came home from work early. (He did brave the grocery isle for popsicles and sprite. He is heaven sent I say.) Then we all laid on the couch. Sick.

Eliza was so sweet to us and mostly slept all day. But I felt bad for the poor baby.

It was hard to be sick while having to take care of a baby. I can't even imagine how it would have been if she were mobile.

But I was just glad I was the sick one and she was just fine.

And we are finally feeling better now.

I survived my first sick day as a mother.

Maybe Eliza does have healing powers after all. Either way. She is sooo cute.

She has become a toe-eater. I could eat her too. Yummm.... (blurry picture from Kase's phone.)

Motherhood

Sometimes I wonder when did I become that person who can't stop thinking about my baby? I try to make it so she's not the ONLY thing I talk about to people, but even when I talk about something else, I am secretly thinking about her. I mean really, she is cute. I kindof want to eat her. Just a little. I am obsessed.

But in a way, I am glad I am so crazy about her.

When she was first born, people would say to me "Isn't being a mom so great?!" I would think.... uhhh not really.

I mean I loved her sooooo much. Of course. I thought she was beautiful and sweet. And the first time I saw her I knew she was a miracle. But those first ohhh..... 7 weeks of her life were the hardest 7 weeks of my life.

Hours of crying (both she and I). No sleep. No energy. If I was home alone with the baby I didn't even have enough time to grab decent food or get a shower. Breastfeeding sucked in everyway possible. Painful and time-consuming. She ate for a hour and then was hungry again an hour later. I felt trapped.

I dreaded nighttime because I felt so lonely. Even though Kase helped, he couldn't feed the baby every 2 hours for me. Taking turns sleeping on the couch with the baby lumped on our chest because that is the only way she would sleep. Uncomfortable. Sleeping in our bed for a hour or so while Kase pacified a screaming baby downstairs felt luxurious and torturous all at once. A tease of sleep.

Did I mention our baby cried? A lot? She was hardly consolable and nothing I did (besides feed her) would help. I felt helpless and unhelpful.

I knew motherhood would be hard. I knew a newborn would be a lot of work. But I was totally unprepared for this.

Maybe I had the baby blues. Maybe I had a colicky baby. Maybe I had both. I don't know.

So when people talked about how motherhood was wonderful, I found it hard to relate. I longed to feel that way too.

I knew the rough weeks were a phase and they would pass but it didn't feel like it. It felt like life would stay that way forever. I imagined what it would be like to have a 6 month old insist upon sleeping on my chest everynight. She was going to be so heavy.

But time slowly crept by. She began to cry less and sleep more (and in her crib!). She began to smile at us and coo at us. She began to pat my face and grin when I come into the room.

And suddenly I found that motherhood was the most wonderful thing I have ever experienced.

Just one smile from my little girl was worth all the tears, the sacrifice, the sleepless nights, and the pain of those first weeks. She makes me feel wonderful. My little family makes me so excited to wake up everyday and so excited to get home everynight.

So that is why I am obsessed with my sweet baby. That is why I can't stop thinking about her. And yes.... being a mother is great.

Photographic Memories

About a month ago I stumbled upon a really good portrait deal. We have friends and family that take awesome pictures but we haven't had the time, the money, or a calm-enough-baby to get pictures done since she was a newborn. And I am paranoid that her temper will drive any photographer away. This picture deal seemed so convenient, super cheap, and I thought we wouldn't bother anyone if Eliza screamed the whole time. We would just plan ahead, run over and get our photos made, no big deal.


I decided that we should get our pictures made.


I decided that Eliza had finally reached the point that maybe we could get some pictures without her screaming.

I made an appointment.

I made sure she got her beauty sleep (so she wouldn't be grumpy).

I made sure she was well fed.

I made sure we had changes of clothes and toys.

I made sure to explain to the studio that we had a 3.5 month old baby.

I made sure we were there on time for our appointment.


And then....



We waited.... (Eliza was happy and content)

and we waited.... (Eliza became tired and fell asleep)

and we waited..... (Eliza's pacifier began to make indent lines on her napping cheeks)

and almost 2 hours later they were ready to take our pictures. (Eliza was on the verge of unhappiness as was I)

But we got a few snap shots of her and us.....................................

..................... before things went down hill:

It ended up being very inconvenient, uncheap, and our screaming baby probably bothered everyone.

But even with all the trouble, some things are just priceless:

Next time we will be sticking with family and friends. So I will just apologize to them now for our future screaming baby. (That's for you Brianna and Angela.)

Eliza's 4 Month Check-up

Eliza had her check-up today. This is mostly for my memory, so you don't have to read if you won't want to.

We were there FOREVER in our check-up room because they just got new computer systems and they are slow figuring everything out. But it went well otherwise.

I felt so bad when they gave her her shots, but she handled them like a champ.

She is healthy and right on track.

She laughed for the first time the other day and it was the sweetest sound. Then on Monday, she rolled over several times! FINALLY!!! But now she won't do it anymore, she just lays there and cries. Sighhh....

She currently weighs 14 lbs 2.5 oz (50%) and is 25 inches long (75%-90%). So she is long and skinny.

We had fun playing and waiting for the doctor. Minus the shots part it was a good time.


Side note: This past weekend we were able to go to a friend's wedding. It was victorian styled with beautiful dresses with bustles. It was soooo gorgeous. We had a wonderful time.

We also had date night last Friday and saw the movie Devil, which I guess was a good movie but it made me feel icky, so I can't really recommend it if that makes sense. But it was fun to spend time with Kase while being baby-free.

I would like to thank my awesome mother-in-law for watching Eliza. She rocks.

4 Months

Eliza is 4 months today. I remember when I heard that you could try letting your baby cry-it-out at 4 months that seemed SO FAR AWAY. But it has arrived. And luckily, we don't have to let her cry it out because she already sleeps through the night. Yay. Cause I don't think I could make it letting her cry.

At 4 months Eliza is:

- Still sleeping through the night. (YAY!!!) Lately she has been coming home from daycare, eating, sleeping, eating, then going to bed around 9:30. I miss playing with her but she is too tired to play!

- She still smiles and coos and makes girgling noises, but no laughs yet. Just squeels.

- She has not rolled over yet, and hates tummy time so she may never roll over. Ever.

- She has a really really really bad temper.

- She loves to grab at things and look at new toys.

- She still loves baths.

- She loves this little blue bird that hangs on her car seat. She pulls it and tries to eat it.

- She is getting bigger and bigger and is very long. Not sure how much she weighs, but we'll find out in a week when she has her 4 month check up.

- She makes funny faces and makes everyone laugh.

- She tries to talk and kicks her legs so fast when you sing to her.

- She likes to look at pictures in her books.

- She loves her blue elephant. His name is Boyd K. Packaderm. (Erin I thought you would appreciate that.) ha ha.

- She tries really hard to sit up but she doesn't have the abs yet.

We love Eliza so much and she makes us so happy everyday. We can't wait to see what she does next!

gratitude

This past weekend, we spent time with my parents who came into town to see Ms. Eliza. It was fun to visit and eat good food.

We also watched general conference. Favorite quote:

"To live with gratitude in your heart is to touch a piece of heaven"- President Monson.

Pretty sure I got that right.

Anyways. I am grateful for such a lovely weekend.

I am grateful for wonderful parents and siblings and parents-in-law and siblings-in-law.

I am grateful for my beautiful sweet daughter and her smiles.

I am grateful for my sweet amazing husband who is so patient and loving.

I hope to live with more gratitude in my heart everyday.


Pictures to come soon!!