Before I get into writing this post, let me just say that I know it may be a little controversial. I do not mean for it to be. But lately I have heard many different opinions and I realize this can be a touchy subject. I am just sharing my thoughts. Feel free to share yours.
Before I was pregnant, I always new it would be hard. Pregnancy would be hard, delivery, and parenthood would be hard. But I also knew that these experiences would be wonderful. Above all, I know that we have no idea what we are getting ourselves into.
So far pregnancy has been great. Changes come all the time: new feelings, new phases, a bigger belly. It has been interesting and I feel blessed to have had a fairly pleasant pregnancy so far.
One of the difficult things, atleast for me, is not knowing what to expect. I am a planner after all. We have no idea when this baby will decide to join us. We have no idea if she will be a super needy baby(like her mother) or a laid back baby (like her father). We have no idea what we feel like as parents. I could go on forever. But I guess part of becoming a parent is learning to give over some control. It will be an interesting ride.
Also, one of the most difficult things for me has been visiting daycares. It is so hard to go into a place and decide if the people there will take good care of your baby. If the atmosphere of a place is safe for your baby. It is so hard to look at people and realize they may be taking care of your baby for a large part of the day. They may be the ones who see your baby reach a new milestone for the first time, even before you do. No matter how nice these people seem, it breaks my heart and I haven't even met our little one yet.
Growing up, I always fully expected to be a stay at home mother one day, and maybe one day I will be. I know being a stay at home mom is hard. It is a lot of work. By no means do I think that it is all fun and games. But I wish I could be the one who creates the atmosphere my child will be surrounded by. I wish I could be the one who sees all of our daughter's milestones. I wish I could be with my baby and make sure she is safe and loved all day.
I know there are people who look down on working mothers. I have already experienced some of these judgments. I also know stay at home moms are also judged in the world today. You just can't win I guess. I think that every family is different and you have to do what you have to do to make things work. So people shouldn't judge.
Despite others judgments, I will not be a working mother because we want to afford fancy things or want cable tv. We do not live frivolously. I will not be a working mother because I think my career is more important than my family. I will be working because it is what is best for our family at this time.
Don't get me wrong. I have a wonderful job. I have been blessed with the most amazing co-workers. I feel a purpose in what I do for a living. I (mostly) like going to work everday. I am extremely thankful for the opportunity to work where I work with the people that I work with.
But I will miss my baby.
I hope I don't sound too whiney. We are very blessed with the amazing opportunity to have a child. I have a wonderful husband who is supportive and caring and sweet. He works so hard and is striving to provide for our family. I honestly could not ask for a better partner. We both have wonderful parents and siblings who are there if/when we need them.
Does anyone have any working mom advice? We thought about finding and paying someone we know to take care of the baby at their home. But I don't know anyone who would be interested in this commitment.
I know that everything will work out just fine. I am going to treasure the time I get to take off of work to spend with our baby. I know it will all be ok.
This baby stuff is hard already. But it's worth it.
6 comments:
i think it is so great you have a job you love and find fulfillling. no matter what, what you do is best for your baby. you and kase are wonderful people and will be amazing parents. its so funny how you said mothers are looked down for working and if they stay home. so true, you really can't win.
i kid you not, i was thinking i would watch *ellie* (heehee) and she and carly could be BFs for life . . . if we weren't moving. when do you have to go back to work?
Amen, sista! Don't feel guilty. You are doing what is best for your family and no one else can tell you otherwise. I don't have any advice on being a working mother, but I am the daughter of a working mother and I like to think both my brother and I turned out just fine :). We grew up with daycare/babysiters until I was in the 6th grade. Plus, as an added bonus for baby girl, she will never be lacking for friends to play with every day! That will be great for her. Just follow the spirit and don't let anyone's judgements get you down!
You really can't win. As a parent you might as well learn that lesson now; do the best you can and let it go.
I hope you find a good solution that you can have trust in. I can't imagine how hard it would be to leave a baby to the care of another every day. My heart goes out to you.
I worked with Benji in a a daycare. It's natural to miss your baby. Some advice, if you have a certain feeling about the daycare or a daycare worker do not ignore it.
What to expect--sick baby, and when she's older-a new vocabulary of aweful words.
Laura, I started crying when I read this (we'lll say it's hormones). My mom takes care of Livvy for us, but I know exactly how you feel. Some people can be cruel with their comments. Just wait for the day you cry when you leave, you cry in the bathroom at work, you cry when you have to put them to bed, you cry beacuse you're tired, etc. They are all normal feelings...not always pleasant, but they remind you that you still know what is important in life. Sometimes "You gotta do, what you gotta do.". Sometimes that means working to help provide for them, & sometimes it means being blessed enough to be the one there. It is extremely hard to know you will miss somethings, & the sting doesn't go away. As long as you know you & the Lord are doing it for the right reasons, the rest doesn't matter. Just keep a prayer in your heart, stay close to the spirit, & you will feel the peace you need to make it through the day. And when it's time to make the leap to staying at home, you will find the courage to jump into a whole new adventure.
You're doing what you know is right. Plus things always change and you never know the future holds, right? :) I had to go back to work when Brynn was 2.5 months. We paid a friend who was a stay at home mom of 1 to watch Brynn. It was nice because Brynn trusted her and loved her like a 2nd mom! Then we had the 2nd one and I was able to stay home (able and had to because 2 kids in daycare is pricey!) but now I'm back at work again do to change in our situation.
My advice: Find someone you love and trust! Whether it's a day care center or another stay at home parent or a babysitter in your home! And get that baby on a good schedule - if possible :) It's the only way you'll have your rest at night after going for a good 17 hours a day (estimate based on getting up at 6 and going to bed at 11)! It will all work out and you'll love it. I actually enjoyed working with only one child - plus it makes it easier for both the parents AND the child with seperation anxiety and you and Kase can have date nights and such without a problem :)
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